The Gracious Two - LIVE Show 074 - Bruce Vilanch

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Live, ladies and gentlemen, show 74. We got Mr.

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Chad Gracey standing by, and we're starting off

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with our one and only guest, Mr. Bruce Vilanch.

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What up? Hello. Hello. Welcome. I think this

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is her last gasp for the year. I mean, it's alarming,

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the resemblance between me and Donna Kelsey.

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It's the red glasses, the blonde hair, and the

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chubbiness. But, you know, after last night's

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disgrace, I have a feeling she'll be laying low.

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Yeah, that was a trousing. They wouldn't break

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up because I'd ride that joke for a while. But

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now the cards are on the table. Yeah, we'll see

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if Tay -Tay sticks around after that. In New

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Orleans. Oh, my God. They did. Yeah, that was

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amazing. Wow. I think there are more Eagles people

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there. Yeah. The Eagles will boo anybody. The

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Eagles booed Santa Claus, for God's sake. And

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then, of course, they proceeded to rip up their

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town. Philadelphia got trashed again. That happens

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all the time. They don't win enough for it to

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really be trashed. It makes no sense. We won.

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Let's trash the city. Hysterical. Do they do

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that if they lose, too? Yes. I think it's a thing.

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Then they all go have Scrapple. That strange

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mystery meat. Yes. I'm from Pennsylvania, a little

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town called York, and so I know Scrapple. Well,

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I've never eaten a Scrapple. My mom has. I'm

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like, I don't want it. No, thank you. I think

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I went there once. Like some other things, I

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only ate once. Hash is good. Hash is a mystery

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meat. That's pretty good, though. Oh, corned

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beef and hash, yeah. Yeah, corned beef and hash.

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Oh, that's great. Yeah, sure. Bruce, though,

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you... If I got this right, you were born in

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New York, but you grew up in New Jersey. So you're

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a fellow Jersey boy. I was adopted at four days

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old and taken to Patterson, New Jersey, which

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was the Silk City at the time. And then it fell

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on harder times after that. Yeah. But yeah, nobody,

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nobody missed me from Patterson, but I wear it

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proudly. Was Joe Clark your teacher? That was

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Eastside. That was Morgan Freeman with the baseball

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bat in the movie. Joe Clark. Was he actually

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your principal? No, actually, he was a few years

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after I left. When they tried to fire him, he

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dug up a list of notable Eastside alumni and

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began writing letters. to us like alan ginsberg

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was another one oh wow asking to support him

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and it's saying of course i said you know i don't

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really i don't know you and i don't know i only

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know what about you from the media so i i and

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and what would they care what i say anyway so

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you know you gotta you gotta fry a bigger fish

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than this one so he went away Was Patterson like

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a harder area like that while you were growing

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up in it? It was on the verge. It had been a

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big industrial town. It was actually called the

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Silk City because it was where the textile industry

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was headquartered. And when I was a little kid,

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the Passaic River, which flows through Patterson,

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turned colors when they would empty all the dye.

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from the textile thing. It would be like, you

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know, suddenly there would be colors all, and

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so any, our joke was any fish you pulled out

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of the Pacific River was a rainbow trout. It

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looked like pride stripes, you know, on the side.

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But it was a wasp town that was also Jewish and

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Italian and Puerto Rican and black. And everybody

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was kind of getting along. And then finally,

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the things were just not good enough for anybody.

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And it sank into stuff. And now it's like a Muslim

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stronghold. It's like Dearborn, Michigan. A lot

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of Muslims moved in there and took over a lot

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of the other, I think the mayor, I think, is

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Muslim. So it's been through, it's a fascinating

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story. And Jim Jarmusch went and made a movie

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there that said nothing about any of that. I

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don't know why. Adam Driver played a guy named

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Patterson. And he was the bus driver in Patterson

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and drove through town, which they shot in Toronto.

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Why would they shoot it there? Patterson was

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on, did you ever see that show Live PD? Like

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maybe two years ago, Patterson was one of the

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towns that was on it. You know, it has had a

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little revival because of Alexander Hamilton

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founded it. And after the musical became the

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biggest thing in the world, people began getting

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interested in everything involving Hamilton and

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they started showing up. And the reason Hamilton...

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Founded the town with the Passaic Falls, which

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were a great source of power for electricity

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and everything generally. So that is now a national

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park. The Passaic Falls are now a national park

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thanks to a lot of people who stayed in Patterson,

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who I grew up with, and Lin -Manuel Miranda,

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who wrote the show and campaigned for it. Oh,

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wow. I used to just go to Patterson as a North

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Jersey kid to get all the good drugs. They had

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the better stuff there. That was what it was

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very famous for in later years. Where did you

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grow up? East Rutherford. So a couple towns over.

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Before there was football. Before it became the

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football capital of, well, sort of. Yeah. You

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got MetLife Stadium and all that jazz there.

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MetLife Stadium and all of those. A lot of stadiums

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and then Secaucus. Yeah. Good old Secaucus, and

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you say it properly. Pig farming was big in Secaucus,

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and to add to that, there were toxic chemicals

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being made, so we used to have a joke about...

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Is that where your sense of humor came from?

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Secaucus. Go ahead, I'm sorry. Yeah. Is that

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where your... Is that where your sense of humor

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came from, you think, Bruce, from all those toxic

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chemicals you were... I have no doubt. No doubt.

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Those are the only ones I was ingesting, so probably

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it could be. I don't know. I mean, I think it's

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a theory when you're a kid who feels like it's

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on the outside. You know, I was heavy, and I

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was not athletic, and I had a vivid life of the

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mind, and I wasn't interested in comic books,

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you know, and superheroes, any of that kind of

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stuff. kids are traditionally interested in.

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So you live in your own world and you begin creating

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things and you make yourself laugh a lot. You

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discover that if you can make other people laugh,

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it gives you a head start when they come after

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you. True. It became a good life lesson. Well,

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let me ask you this. Now, this is we're going

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to have a lot of fun here, but this is a serious

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question. So you are famously known as like somebody

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who's high into LGBTQ rights and all that stuff.

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And you're famously out yourself as a gay man.

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Were you able to be out in the beginning of your

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career or did you come out later in life? You

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know, I'm so old that I predate coming out. I

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mean, that happened after Stonewall, which was

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in, you should pardon the expression, 69. So

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I was never in. I mean, I was always kind of

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bisexual. I always had girlfriends, and I always

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thought I wanted to get married and have kids

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and all that kind of stuff. And at the same time,

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be able to cruise the Greyhound station, you

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know, for sailors. The yin and the yang. But

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after a while, I realized that when I kept saying,

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oh, gay is a choice, I said, yeah, it's a choice

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to be authentic or not. And I chose to be authentic.

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I mean, as much as I love women and had no problem

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having sex with women, I was not interested in

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it. I didn't go after them. I soon realized what

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I really liked. So I was. But it was never a

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secret with me. And because I was in the business

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I was in, you know, show business encourages

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eccentricity and flamboyance and all of that.

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The real guys, the real heroes are the insurance

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claim adjusters and, you know, and neurosurgeons

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and people like that who are in it or anybody

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who works in a corporate environment where you

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have to have a significant other to show up with

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at the picnic. You know, those were the people

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who, the guys who really. were brave if they

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came out with their true selves. And then when

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the coming out thing happened, of course, it

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changed everything because once we refused to

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be invisible, we began to get some basic human

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rights that were being denied. And that led into

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the AIDS movement, which was because nobody was

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going to do anything. So we had to convert the

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political movement into a life -saving AIDS movement.

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I was there raising money by doing a lot of benefits

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because that's what we do in show business. We

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do benefits. As I'm sure you're aware. Benefits

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are us. Benefits. Well, that's kind of cool that

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you were always just authentic to yourself. You

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didn't need to make an excuse. And it kind of

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really wasn't, didn't seem to kind of be an issue

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for you. And then, like you said, once the thing

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was to come out, then you maybe brought your

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voice up about it. But you were always authentically,

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yeah, being you. That's cool. Well, cause I just

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know a lot of people from back then, you know,

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kind of did live the closeted life. Like I was

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even thinking like maybe Elton John or something

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who was, you know, he was out, he was gay back

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then, but just wasn't out. So I didn't know if

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that was like a thing, you know, he was gay,

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but he announced he was bisexual and his record

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sales immediately plummeted. Really? His label

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said, get married right away. So he. went to

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Australia and got married and he married a very

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lovely lesbian lady, German and in Australia.

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And she was rather butch. It was, they're a fun

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couple. Yes. And, and then finally, you know,

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years after, after all that, the hysteria had

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passed, he finally did come out. But at the time

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it was, you know, what it was, was he, he said

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he was bisexual. And back then, unlike now, All

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of pop music was on AM radio stations. Right.

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And the record company would send your record

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all over the country to the radio station. Well,

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radio stations in places like Louisville, Kentucky,

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a guy from the church would call up the guy who

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owned the station and say, you can't play this

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bag at Elton John. You've got to take him off.

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And so he disappeared from AM radio almost overnight.

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Wow. And this was around the time of Captain

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Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy. It just

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went away. And so they had to do triage on his

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career. And it's quite a great story. I don't

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know if that was in Rocketman. Rocketman seemed

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to be about his inner journey. Ah. With substance

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abuse and a few other things. Elton's loaded

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up with stories. What can I tell you? Oh, I'm

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sure, man. Fabulous guy. But a genuine character.

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Now I think. Bruce, I might have one of the most

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important questions you've ever been asked, if

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I could say that as an interviewer. Lay it on

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me. Who do you think had better sex, Elton John

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and his butch wife, or Michael Jackson and Lisa

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Marie Presley? Go. Well, I think the only question

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is, did either of them ever have sex? Yeah, right.

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True. I think the sex in Lisa Marie and Michael's

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marriage was the melding of the Elvis catalog

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with the Jackson catalog to create a mega catalog,

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which I believe was probably the whole reason

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for the marriage. I mean, you know, they were

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both sort of kind of lost souls. And I really

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do think it was a merger made in an accountant's

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office. Oh, yeah. Then you throw in the Beatles,

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too, that he stole from Paul McCartney. Oh, yeah,

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that's right. He had the Beatles catalog. Paul

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McCartney told him to get into music publishing,

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and he bought the Beatles catalog. That's right.

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Chad, didn't you play, weren't you playing the

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MTV Awards show where him and Lisa Marie kissed?

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We didn't play, but we were nominated for VMAs

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that year. Oh, that's okay. It was strange. That

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was strange to watch live in the audience. Like,

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this is just weird. Just because it was so awkward,

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you know, it was just the awkward. I remember,

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I remember seeing it. Yeah. They were like, people

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thought this wasn't real. And then they went

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to do like a real, like sexual embracing kiss.

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And it was like the most awkward kiss you've

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ever seen before. You're like, uh, no, no, you

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just proved it. Yeah. That was funny. Bruce,

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though, getting back to your beginning of your

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life. So, grew up in Patterson. Born in New York,

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grew up in Patterson. How do we start getting

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into show business? What was your first gig?

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What made you... I mean, I kind of know what

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got you into there. I made faces in the mirror

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and my parents, who were brilliant, enabled me.

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They said, well, he's happy doing that. Let's

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put him out there and see how far he gets. So

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I was a child actor. I was never a child star.

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Or we'd be having this conversation in rehab.

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I used to say they don't do age well, but now

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I look at Ariana Grande and some other people

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who've done spectacularly well. Again, it's not

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a blanket assessment anymore. I aged out of it

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because I had a deep voice and I was heavy and

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I looked older. So I was up against actors who

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were authentic and I certainly wasn't. So I started

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writing about it and I visited talent for that.

00:14:41.159 --> 00:14:44.320
And I was in college. I went to college to be

00:14:44.320 --> 00:14:47.960
Ohio State University, where I was a major in

00:14:47.960 --> 00:14:51.820
arts and theater and journalism. Because my parents

00:14:51.820 --> 00:14:53.919
said, well, you know, get a job in a newspaper.

00:14:54.039 --> 00:15:01.850
They'll never die. Oh, no. So I got a job at

00:15:01.850 --> 00:15:05.769
the Chicago Tribune after I graduated. I went

00:15:05.769 --> 00:15:09.070
to Chicago and about the first person I met was

00:15:09.070 --> 00:15:12.149
Bette Midler, who was appearing in a nightclub

00:15:12.149 --> 00:15:16.279
there. And a friend of mine was. Bud Friedman

00:15:16.279 --> 00:15:17.759
owned the club in New York called The Improv,

00:15:17.820 --> 00:15:20.379
and he was managing her. And he asked me to go

00:15:20.379 --> 00:15:22.879
see her. So I went to see her, and I loved her,

00:15:22.940 --> 00:15:24.600
and I wrote a story about her. And she called

00:15:24.600 --> 00:15:26.419
me and said, that was a funny story. You're a

00:15:26.419 --> 00:15:28.279
very funny writer. And I said, well, you're funny.

00:15:28.320 --> 00:15:30.919
You should talk more on stage. And she said,

00:15:30.940 --> 00:15:33.139
you got any lines? And that was the beginning

00:15:33.139 --> 00:15:35.220
of a relationship which has just notched its

00:15:35.220 --> 00:15:41.799
50th year. Wow. Nice. Yeah. Yeah, I know. We're

00:15:41.799 --> 00:15:44.200
still at it. I'm still middlerizing. left and

00:15:44.200 --> 00:15:47.019
right so for sure it's a lot of fun so that was

00:15:47.019 --> 00:15:49.899
that was what got me into it and then I I was

00:15:49.899 --> 00:15:52.360
at the paper I was interviewing a lot of people

00:15:52.360 --> 00:15:54.139
a lot of show business people who would come

00:15:54.139 --> 00:15:58.019
through Chicago and they I was known as her writer

00:15:58.019 --> 00:16:00.399
and so I started writing for a lot of other people

00:16:00.399 --> 00:16:03.610
for Richard Pryor and George Garland and Louis

00:16:03.610 --> 00:16:05.769
Tomlin and some really great people. And a lot

00:16:05.769 --> 00:16:09.090
of I began writing for a lot of TV for Sonny

00:16:09.090 --> 00:16:12.110
and Cher and Cher without Sonny, Sonny without

00:16:12.110 --> 00:16:15.269
Cher. We don't like each other, but we owe a

00:16:15.269 --> 00:16:19.950
lot of money. I mean, I did them all. And five

00:16:19.950 --> 00:16:24.409
years after five years of that, a bet had a dresser

00:16:24.409 --> 00:16:26.950
whose brother started the Manhattan transfer.

00:16:27.710 --> 00:16:30.450
And I mean, a lot of people don't know who they

00:16:30.450 --> 00:16:33.070
were. I mean, they have a great fan base, but

00:16:33.070 --> 00:16:35.509
they're not like an act for a young act. They

00:16:35.509 --> 00:16:38.389
were jazz act now, but they were a big nostalgia

00:16:38.389 --> 00:16:41.470
act at the time. And they got a summer television

00:16:41.470 --> 00:16:44.350
series replacing Cher. So I came out here in

00:16:44.350 --> 00:16:47.450
the summer of 75 to write the transfer show.

00:16:47.610 --> 00:16:49.809
And I just, as Beth said, yeah, you had your

00:16:49.809 --> 00:16:53.149
bags packed when I met you. So I never looked

00:16:53.149 --> 00:16:56.230
at it. I've been out here since. And it was the

00:16:56.230 --> 00:16:59.029
end of variety television. And I caught the tail

00:16:59.029 --> 00:17:02.210
end of it. Wow. Yeah, because I heard you wrote

00:17:02.210 --> 00:17:05.609
for the Brady Bunch Variety Hour. Oh, yes. Well,

00:17:05.670 --> 00:17:07.930
that's my book. I have a book that drops March

00:17:07.930 --> 00:17:11.130
4th on Amazon. It's on Amazon now, pre -ordering.

00:17:11.210 --> 00:17:13.970
And March 4th, it comes to a bookstore near you,

00:17:14.029 --> 00:17:17.589
if there is still a bookstore near you. And it's

00:17:17.589 --> 00:17:20.130
about how I wrote the worst TV shows of all time.

00:17:20.730 --> 00:17:23.490
And some other things. And lived. I saw them.

00:17:25.150 --> 00:17:30.269
Oh, sorry. The Star Wars Holiday Special. I was

00:17:30.269 --> 00:17:31.869
just going to bring that up. I remember watching

00:17:31.869 --> 00:17:34.630
that as a kid. I loved it. That's how it happened.

00:17:34.690 --> 00:17:39.650
I did podcasts and people your age said, how

00:17:39.650 --> 00:17:44.500
did these shows happen? Who said yes? Right.

00:17:45.460 --> 00:17:53.039
Right. It's a series of turds and punch bowls.

00:17:53.299 --> 00:17:56.640
I mean, they really are. It was wild. I loved

00:17:56.640 --> 00:17:59.680
it when I was a kid. If you watch them with the

00:17:59.680 --> 00:18:02.299
same kind of chemical additives with which we

00:18:02.299 --> 00:18:05.799
made them, then you'll have a damn good time.

00:18:07.150 --> 00:18:08.569
I remember watching it as a kid. I liked it,

00:18:08.609 --> 00:18:10.410
but I went back recently and watched it. I'm

00:18:10.410 --> 00:18:12.569
like, what the fuck? What is this? That happens

00:18:12.569 --> 00:18:15.390
a lot. It's insane. I mean, that's why it's the

00:18:15.390 --> 00:18:18.369
best story of them all, because it is. That it

00:18:18.369 --> 00:18:21.589
happened at all is insanity. So, Bruce, you wrote

00:18:21.589 --> 00:18:24.650
a lot for stand -up comedians. Have you ever

00:18:24.650 --> 00:18:27.289
been up on stage yourself and gone up there?

00:18:27.819 --> 00:18:31.140
I have. I call myself a sit -down comic because

00:18:31.140 --> 00:18:34.319
I'm not a club comic. I don't come up there and

00:18:34.319 --> 00:18:36.880
talk about, you know, somebody who I banged last

00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:40.400
night or that kind of stuff. And I don't do crowd

00:18:40.400 --> 00:18:43.859
work. You know, if I was as hot as Matt Rife

00:18:43.859 --> 00:18:46.279
and cute as Matt Rife, I'd do crowd work because

00:18:46.279 --> 00:18:50.880
I'd get laid. But, you know, I don't. So, but

00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:53.299
I tell stories, basically. I tell stories about

00:18:53.299 --> 00:18:55.920
my career. I started doing it late, you know,

00:18:55.940 --> 00:18:59.559
after 40, about when I had a trove of stories

00:18:59.559 --> 00:19:01.960
about working in Hollywood and writing Oscar

00:19:01.960 --> 00:19:05.859
shows. I've written 25 of them and various people

00:19:05.859 --> 00:19:09.359
I've worked with and amusing incidents therein.

00:19:09.720 --> 00:19:13.539
And I also was like I would tackle the news of

00:19:13.539 --> 00:19:18.180
the day, you know, but my rule is they have to

00:19:18.180 --> 00:19:20.950
come to see me. I mean, if I'm seeing a benefit,

00:19:21.049 --> 00:19:22.609
it's one thing, but if I'm actually going to

00:19:22.609 --> 00:19:26.009
go into a room and try for people to come, I

00:19:26.009 --> 00:19:29.529
don't want to be comic number 43, you know, and

00:19:29.529 --> 00:19:31.569
here's our headliner, you know, or any of that

00:19:31.569 --> 00:19:36.029
crap. Yeah. That's not my game. I do a show with

00:19:36.029 --> 00:19:38.809
Judy gold. Who's brilliant. It's called big and

00:19:38.809 --> 00:19:43.990
tall because I am big and she is tall. And. uh

00:19:43.990 --> 00:19:46.829
and we're both two gay jews so it seems to be

00:19:46.829 --> 00:19:51.329
several demographics so but we have a good time

00:19:51.329 --> 00:19:53.849
but judy is you know judy is a real stand -up

00:19:53.849 --> 00:19:56.549
comic she and and does crowd work i mean she's

00:19:56.549 --> 00:19:59.509
brilliant and it's just not you know that's not

00:19:59.509 --> 00:20:02.710
what i do so there's a contrast there sure and

00:20:02.710 --> 00:20:04.470
yeah you i guess you want people there kind of

00:20:04.470 --> 00:20:06.250
knowing your brand right off the bat so you don't

00:20:06.250 --> 00:20:08.049
have to win them over yeah they know what they're

00:20:08.049 --> 00:20:11.099
getting into Exactly. I mean, I've been around

00:20:11.099 --> 00:20:13.059
enough. What happened with Hollywood Squares,

00:20:13.160 --> 00:20:18.779
I was on for six years every night of the week,

00:20:18.799 --> 00:20:20.920
and so people get to know who you are. You become

00:20:20.920 --> 00:20:24.220
kind of famous. Right. Oh, yeah, for sure. It's

00:20:24.220 --> 00:20:26.819
not Brad Pitt famous, but it's famous. I mean,

00:20:26.839 --> 00:20:29.339
I'll go through an airport doing selfies, and

00:20:29.339 --> 00:20:32.220
somebody will walk by and say, who's that? Right.

00:20:32.359 --> 00:20:34.900
I know him. I'm Donna Kelsey, and that's what

00:20:34.900 --> 00:20:39.299
they say. I know that guy. Have you ever tried

00:20:39.299 --> 00:20:43.180
to put anything on Travis Kelsey's mom's tab?

00:20:43.279 --> 00:20:46.180
Like, hey, this is Mrs. Kelsey here. Round on

00:20:46.180 --> 00:20:48.960
me. It's a good thought. No, I haven't. I haven't.

00:20:48.960 --> 00:20:50.859
I haven't taken it. I would never take advantage

00:20:50.859 --> 00:20:55.279
of this. Sure, sure. On the other hand, she could

00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:57.980
be signing Bruce Valance. You never know. That's

00:20:57.980 --> 00:21:00.559
true. You should call up your credit card. Call

00:21:00.559 --> 00:21:03.279
up your credit card company. There's some charges

00:21:03.279 --> 00:21:05.339
on here I don't recognize. It might be Travis

00:21:05.339 --> 00:21:08.049
Kelsey's mom. I don't understand. I don't go

00:21:08.049 --> 00:21:12.450
to the pleasure chest. What is that? Right. But

00:21:12.450 --> 00:21:16.710
you're there every week, sir. Anywho. So, Bruce,

00:21:16.789 --> 00:21:19.670
what is your feeling on last night? Did you watch

00:21:19.670 --> 00:21:22.049
the Super Bowl, by the way? I did. Yeah, I did.

00:21:22.470 --> 00:21:25.130
Yeah. I mean, it was, you know, for the commercials,

00:21:25.190 --> 00:21:28.809
of course. Absolutely. What else? What I remember

00:21:28.809 --> 00:21:31.970
is a flying mustache, flying eyebrows, and somebody

00:21:31.970 --> 00:21:33.950
who could have been Ben Affleck. I'm not sure.

00:21:34.629 --> 00:21:37.329
Yes. He looked like Ben Affleck after Ozempic

00:21:37.329 --> 00:21:41.609
and I don't know what else. You're right. He

00:21:41.609 --> 00:21:45.049
looked weird to me. The flying eyebrows was the

00:21:45.049 --> 00:21:47.269
best, though. Billy and Crystal and Meg Ryan

00:21:47.269 --> 00:21:49.589
were funny. I mean, there were some funny things.

00:21:49.710 --> 00:21:51.910
Now, it's a game. Yeah, it was a route. So, you

00:21:51.910 --> 00:21:55.390
know, I mean, I wasn't particularly. And then

00:21:55.390 --> 00:21:59.710
the halftime was fascinating because it was kind

00:21:59.710 --> 00:22:02.130
of a tacit acknowledgement that more than 50

00:22:02.130 --> 00:22:05.140
% of the league is black. I think the actual

00:22:05.140 --> 00:22:09.039
figure is 53 % of the players in the league are

00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:11.700
black. So they decided to give them an all hip

00:22:11.700 --> 00:22:14.740
hop show that Kendrick Lamar turned into a political

00:22:14.740 --> 00:22:18.880
statement. And if you are into that world, it

00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:21.599
was quite brilliant. I mean, I know that what's

00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:24.420
the, what Serena was doing was a particular kind

00:22:24.420 --> 00:22:27.759
of dance move that has significance in that culture.

00:22:27.960 --> 00:22:31.180
But I found out after the show last night for

00:22:31.180 --> 00:22:33.380
me, I've never been into hip hop. So it was not.

00:22:34.349 --> 00:22:36.109
There was nothing that I was terribly interested

00:22:36.109 --> 00:22:39.769
in. But I had to admire the choreography. And

00:22:39.769 --> 00:22:42.549
it shot great. It looked fabulous. And, you know,

00:22:42.569 --> 00:22:46.609
it's like invading Libya to stage one of those

00:22:46.609 --> 00:22:49.829
things. Sure. Get it up on its feet in the time.

00:22:49.950 --> 00:22:54.430
It's a split -second thing. It wasn't particularly

00:22:54.430 --> 00:22:58.150
joyous, which is what I would always assume a

00:22:58.150 --> 00:23:02.660
Super Bowl halftime. It's party. Yeah. as much

00:23:02.660 --> 00:23:06.000
a party as it was a cultural statement. Sure.

00:23:06.740 --> 00:23:11.099
But that's pretty brave. 100%. I didn't realize

00:23:11.099 --> 00:23:14.960
at the time, but supposedly when they were all

00:23:14.960 --> 00:23:17.500
dancing and they were red, white, and blue and

00:23:17.500 --> 00:23:20.160
they made the American flag and everybody that

00:23:20.160 --> 00:23:22.559
was making up the American flag was black and

00:23:22.559 --> 00:23:24.579
then they were all on each other's backs, it

00:23:24.579 --> 00:23:27.839
was basically saying America was built on black

00:23:27.839 --> 00:23:32.299
people's backs. That's great imagery and stuff

00:23:32.299 --> 00:23:33.900
like that. I just didn't catch it at the time.

00:23:34.339 --> 00:23:37.839
He probably should have put a banner. Sam Jackson

00:23:37.839 --> 00:23:41.299
kind of tipped it off, right? I couldn't hear.

00:23:41.480 --> 00:23:43.019
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't hear what he was

00:23:43.019 --> 00:23:45.240
saying. But I didn't hear what he was saying

00:23:45.240 --> 00:23:49.319
as he kept popping in and out. I didn't know.

00:23:49.440 --> 00:23:51.539
But yeah, there was a lot of that kind of imagery.

00:23:51.880 --> 00:23:55.920
Which I think if you tuned into that, you were

00:23:55.920 --> 00:23:58.240
tuned into it. A lot of people were not, obviously.

00:23:59.019 --> 00:24:01.849
And then... Some dude got tackled. He jumped

00:24:01.849 --> 00:24:04.849
on stage holding a Palestinian flag, and then

00:24:04.849 --> 00:24:07.250
they tackled him. That's weird. I don't know

00:24:07.250 --> 00:24:10.390
how. Was it actually on? I mean, did it make

00:24:10.390 --> 00:24:13.369
the broadcast? I was watching it on Tubi. Yeah,

00:24:13.549 --> 00:24:15.769
the tackle didn't make the broadcast, but I think

00:24:15.769 --> 00:24:19.180
you saw him run by with the flag runs. And then

00:24:19.180 --> 00:24:21.920
somebody in the crowd was filming the tackling,

00:24:22.019 --> 00:24:24.779
which was pretty funny. Okay, well, that was

00:24:24.779 --> 00:24:27.559
a good takedown. It was a good takedown, and

00:24:27.559 --> 00:24:29.519
it was like three people who took him down and

00:24:29.519 --> 00:24:32.619
then like six dragged him away. So, yeah, it

00:24:32.619 --> 00:24:36.059
was cool to watch. Were they any of them Kansas

00:24:36.059 --> 00:24:39.259
City Chiefs? They were all in black. They look

00:24:39.259 --> 00:24:43.740
Secret Service. Oh, them guys. Them dudes. The

00:24:43.740 --> 00:24:45.480
dudes you don't want to mess with. You look up,

00:24:45.480 --> 00:24:49.980
you're like, okay. So let me, so yeah, you were

00:24:49.980 --> 00:24:54.019
right in for the Oscars when, what was it? Robin

00:24:54.019 --> 00:24:57.019
Williams, Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg were

00:24:57.019 --> 00:25:00.279
hosting. Well, they never hosted together. Actually,

00:25:00.579 --> 00:25:03.119
all three hosted separately. They were taking

00:25:03.119 --> 00:25:07.599
Comic Relief. Yeah, I did 15 of those, and those

00:25:07.599 --> 00:25:12.440
were Billy, Robin, and Whoopi. But I did, Billy

00:25:12.440 --> 00:25:15.759
did eight Oscars, Whoopi did four. And Robin

00:25:15.759 --> 00:25:20.059
actually kept it down. But before I was involved,

00:25:20.700 --> 00:25:24.259
he was part of a group called Friends of Oscar,

00:25:24.519 --> 00:25:28.500
which means everybody got to come up and do 10

00:25:28.500 --> 00:25:30.759
minutes. I mean, not material, but they got to

00:25:30.759 --> 00:25:33.880
be a host for a minute, you know, so. And he

00:25:33.880 --> 00:25:35.779
said that was enough. He didn't want to have

00:25:35.779 --> 00:25:38.079
to keep coming back because, you know, part of

00:25:38.079 --> 00:25:40.950
that show is you have to keep firing. You keep

00:25:40.950 --> 00:25:43.750
coming back. You make 10 or 11 appearances in

00:25:43.750 --> 00:25:46.410
the course of the evening and you have to keep

00:25:46.410 --> 00:25:50.390
coming back. I don't think Robin wanted to do

00:25:50.390 --> 00:25:53.650
that. He likes to be out there. He'll be out

00:25:53.650 --> 00:25:55.710
there for an hour doing that, but to have to

00:25:55.710 --> 00:25:59.710
come jumping back in, I don't think... He was

00:25:59.710 --> 00:26:03.569
on the show. I did the show a few times where

00:26:03.569 --> 00:26:06.109
he presented things. He presented an award to

00:26:06.109 --> 00:26:10.799
Chuck Lee who was... fabulous animator who had

00:26:10.799 --> 00:26:12.799
animated a lot of the characters that Robin did

00:26:12.799 --> 00:26:17.220
voices for. Oh, wow. Yeah, that was lovely when

00:26:17.220 --> 00:26:19.180
he did that. I love that. You know, the thing

00:26:19.180 --> 00:26:21.920
about the Oscars, they forget that the Oscars

00:26:21.920 --> 00:26:24.099
is the only award show that's voted on by people

00:26:24.099 --> 00:26:27.119
who actually make movies. The Academy Award.

00:26:27.680 --> 00:26:31.319
Yes. What is it? Critics or people like at the

00:26:31.319 --> 00:26:33.619
mall, which is where they get the people's choice

00:26:33.619 --> 00:26:36.380
winners, but or the Golden Globes or any of those

00:26:36.380 --> 00:26:38.099
things. I mean, this is people who actually make

00:26:38.099 --> 00:26:41.059
movies. And it's wonderful when one discipline

00:26:41.059 --> 00:26:44.460
recognizes another one because you realize that

00:26:44.460 --> 00:26:47.160
it's a collaborative effort. So for an actor

00:26:47.160 --> 00:26:50.799
to come out and and give an award to an animator,

00:26:50.900 --> 00:26:53.819
you know, they're two totally different disciplines.

00:26:53.880 --> 00:26:56.200
But it's it's pretty great. I think we're going

00:26:56.200 --> 00:26:58.299
to think that. I always tried to get more of

00:26:58.299 --> 00:27:01.880
that into the show so people would realize what

00:27:01.880 --> 00:27:05.559
it really was. It wasn't just, you know, gowns

00:27:05.559 --> 00:27:11.819
and gay people. Right. Did you find it, were

00:27:11.819 --> 00:27:13.980
you walking any tightropes, like with writing

00:27:13.980 --> 00:27:15.940
jokes or anything? Were you trying to stay away

00:27:15.940 --> 00:27:18.819
from certain things or a certain tone? You know,

00:27:18.819 --> 00:27:21.119
you don't want to be mean -spirited because people

00:27:21.119 --> 00:27:24.519
are there because they may lose an award. And

00:27:24.519 --> 00:27:27.779
they'll be unhappy enough. And the host has got

00:27:27.779 --> 00:27:29.720
to be somebody who they know who's as big as

00:27:29.720 --> 00:27:33.200
they are, who can make fun of them without really

00:27:33.200 --> 00:27:37.500
wounding anybody. So that's that was always a

00:27:37.500 --> 00:27:39.740
minefield. Nothing like today where, you know,

00:27:39.759 --> 00:27:43.740
you can you can wound an entire culture like

00:27:43.740 --> 00:27:47.660
that. You know, all of that. There is I think

00:27:47.660 --> 00:27:49.720
there's reasonable pushback on all of that now.

00:27:49.839 --> 00:27:53.950
But I understand where it all came from. Yeah,

00:27:53.950 --> 00:27:55.509
it's always been difficult. And the other thing

00:27:55.509 --> 00:27:59.569
about the Oscar show, I've told every host that

00:27:59.569 --> 00:28:03.009
I've worked with, is that you want to front load

00:28:03.009 --> 00:28:07.170
the material because for every winner, there

00:28:07.170 --> 00:28:10.190
are four losers. So as the evening wears on,

00:28:10.269 --> 00:28:13.809
the room is filling up with losers. They're not

00:28:13.809 --> 00:28:16.650
really paying attention. They are now that you

00:28:16.650 --> 00:28:18.710
can see them texting, they're firing people.

00:28:19.269 --> 00:28:23.519
They're texting, firing. They lost you, asshole.

00:28:23.660 --> 00:28:27.859
There you go. Right. So, and then, or they leave,

00:28:27.859 --> 00:28:30.700
you know, in a dungeon and there's some anonymous

00:28:30.700 --> 00:28:33.059
seat filler who got her dressed and came back.

00:28:33.380 --> 00:28:35.900
She's sitting there trying to look glamorous

00:28:35.900 --> 00:28:38.700
and because she's not allowed to touch Chris

00:28:38.700 --> 00:28:41.680
Hemsworth who's sitting next to her. So it's,

00:28:41.740 --> 00:28:45.059
she's not paying attention either. She's hoping

00:28:45.059 --> 00:28:47.380
she can put her hand on Chris Hemsworth's knee

00:28:47.380 --> 00:28:51.099
at least. Let me ask you this, Bruce. Because

00:28:51.099 --> 00:28:54.140
I know that you've won a couple Emmys, I believe,

00:28:54.220 --> 00:28:57.619
two consecutive, and then all that. Did you get

00:28:57.619 --> 00:28:59.839
to go on stage to grab these Emmys, or were they?

00:29:00.539 --> 00:29:02.660
No, the first time, they were both for Oscar

00:29:02.660 --> 00:29:05.380
shows, and they were Billy Crystal shows. And

00:29:05.380 --> 00:29:07.539
Billy was one of the writers, of course. But

00:29:07.539 --> 00:29:10.660
the first year, he had scheduled a family vacation

00:29:10.660 --> 00:29:13.640
in Hawaii, and his kids were not going to let

00:29:13.640 --> 00:29:17.579
him duck out of that. And he didn't think we

00:29:17.579 --> 00:29:19.619
were going to win, I have a feeling. So he went.

00:29:20.009 --> 00:29:22.630
And we won. And the great part of that is that

00:29:22.630 --> 00:29:25.549
there were like five other writers and we all

00:29:25.549 --> 00:29:27.730
came up and we all got to say something because

00:29:27.730 --> 00:29:30.730
the director of the Emmy show was not going to

00:29:30.730 --> 00:29:32.970
cut off the writers, some of whom were writing

00:29:32.970 --> 00:29:36.109
on the Emmy show. Oh, wow. We all got to say,

00:29:36.190 --> 00:29:39.009
and I was the last one. And I said, I'm only

00:29:39.009 --> 00:29:41.170
sorry. I didn't have to sleep around to get this

00:29:41.170 --> 00:29:45.160
award. Was that a lie, though, Bruce? Was that

00:29:45.160 --> 00:29:47.500
a lie? That was a lie. Because I didn't know

00:29:47.500 --> 00:29:50.019
what was going to happen. I thought maybe Billy

00:29:50.019 --> 00:29:52.420
would make a surprise return or something. The

00:29:52.420 --> 00:29:54.240
second year, Billy was short. We were nominated.

00:29:54.480 --> 00:29:56.619
The second year in a row, Billy was short to

00:29:56.619 --> 00:29:59.519
get there. And we won. And he got to give the

00:29:59.519 --> 00:30:02.920
speech for all of us. Rock on, man. It all worked

00:30:02.920 --> 00:30:07.279
out beautifully. life changing after that or

00:30:07.279 --> 00:30:10.420
is it uh are there cool emmy award parties you

00:30:10.420 --> 00:30:12.259
go to and now that you're a winner it's like

00:30:12.259 --> 00:30:14.940
there's the governor's ball but uh and there

00:30:14.940 --> 00:30:18.599
were you know yeah everybody has a party um so

00:30:18.599 --> 00:30:21.099
it's not but life changing no it's not i mean

00:30:21.099 --> 00:30:23.259
oscar's life changing i think because there are

00:30:23.259 --> 00:30:26.700
there are uh so few of them awarded every year

00:30:27.099 --> 00:30:28.799
I mean, the Emmys keep expanding categories.

00:30:28.900 --> 00:30:31.700
The Grammys have like 88 categories now. So,

00:30:31.740 --> 00:30:34.059
you know, I mean, people say, how is it that

00:30:34.059 --> 00:30:37.000
Beyonce has won 13 Grammys and Frank Sinatra

00:30:37.000 --> 00:30:41.059
only had seven? Because there were no categories

00:30:41.059 --> 00:30:43.720
that would cover the things that Beyonce has

00:30:43.720 --> 00:30:45.859
won for. Frank Sinatra never wrote a hip hop

00:30:45.859 --> 00:30:49.279
song. Yeah. She won an Emmy for writing a hip

00:30:49.279 --> 00:30:51.900
hop song. So, I mean, those categories. So it's

00:30:51.900 --> 00:30:54.440
a ridiculous argument. But, you know, you see

00:30:54.440 --> 00:30:57.980
people say. Where are their talents commensurate?

00:30:58.099 --> 00:30:59.660
It has nothing to do with talent. It has to do

00:30:59.660 --> 00:31:03.400
with that specific category. People are looking

00:31:03.400 --> 00:31:05.859
for something. They're looking for something

00:31:05.859 --> 00:31:07.940
that they can knock somebody else on because

00:31:07.940 --> 00:31:11.940
we live in such a negative culture. Why is that?

00:31:12.359 --> 00:31:15.119
It just seems like if somebody's down, it's so

00:31:15.119 --> 00:31:17.380
easy to jump on and be negative towards them

00:31:17.380 --> 00:31:20.019
and that seems to be... It's been building up

00:31:20.019 --> 00:31:25.069
for years. Snarky is funny, but... but I think

00:31:25.069 --> 00:31:28.750
the internet gave people who really should not

00:31:28.750 --> 00:31:33.930
have a voice, a voice chance to go on and express

00:31:33.930 --> 00:31:37.990
their unfiltered opinion. And I think it brings

00:31:37.990 --> 00:31:41.630
the whole culture down. The tone that they, that

00:31:41.630 --> 00:31:44.410
they use brings everything down. It's, it's constantly,

00:31:44.450 --> 00:31:48.150
I mean, I go on Facebook and it'll say 10 worst

00:31:48.150 --> 00:31:51.210
performances by, you know, Somebody put together

00:31:51.210 --> 00:31:54.450
a clip reel. Now, I mean, that's my book, which

00:31:54.450 --> 00:31:58.390
is a joke, but, you know, and comes from the

00:31:58.390 --> 00:32:02.750
heart. But capriciously, let's dump on people.

00:32:03.089 --> 00:32:05.210
And they say things that they would never say

00:32:05.210 --> 00:32:08.029
to their face. I mean, when Harvard, the hasty

00:32:08.029 --> 00:32:09.950
pudding people, they give the award for the worst

00:32:09.950 --> 00:32:12.109
actress of the year. There's a certain kind of

00:32:12.109 --> 00:32:15.390
joyousness to it. You know, they say, you know.

00:32:16.380 --> 00:32:18.900
they, the, a lot of the big stars, when they

00:32:18.900 --> 00:32:21.140
get these words, they own it. They say, yeah,

00:32:21.220 --> 00:32:24.319
I sucked in that. It was, but it was crap. And

00:32:24.319 --> 00:32:26.500
I, you know, I bought a house, something like

00:32:26.500 --> 00:32:29.759
that. You know, if they own it, then the sting

00:32:29.759 --> 00:32:31.980
goes out of it. But a lot of the, you know, when

00:32:31.980 --> 00:32:34.059
these little hits on, on what I call keyboard

00:32:34.059 --> 00:32:36.940
warfare, the sting never goes out of it. It's

00:32:36.940 --> 00:32:39.700
just, it's just endless. And I think that's where

00:32:39.700 --> 00:32:42.440
it comes from. God, I'm going on. That's the

00:32:42.440 --> 00:32:45.099
point of a podcast. You're doing well. You're

00:32:45.099 --> 00:32:49.839
making our job easy. We're part of the people

00:32:49.839 --> 00:32:52.380
on the internet that shouldn't have a voice but

00:32:52.380 --> 00:32:58.099
do. The rule for online people should be if you

00:32:58.099 --> 00:32:59.819
can't say it to their face, don't say it at all.

00:33:00.099 --> 00:33:06.859
Yeah. It really should. Come on. Bruce, I had

00:33:06.859 --> 00:33:09.420
a question. You've obviously written jokes for

00:33:09.420 --> 00:33:12.819
a lot of great comedians. looking on wikipedia

00:33:12.819 --> 00:33:15.859
here but um but i see here steven tyler of aerosmith

00:33:15.859 --> 00:33:18.160
did you write jokes for his like on stage banter

00:33:18.160 --> 00:33:22.480
or what was that about one yeah i did two things

00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:26.539
the the what got me together with him uh no that

00:33:26.539 --> 00:33:29.920
wasn't it um there is an aerosmith ride at walt

00:33:29.920 --> 00:33:34.279
disney world or there was right and they had

00:33:34.279 --> 00:33:38.000
a little film piece that they made that they

00:33:38.000 --> 00:33:40.740
showed on tv screens to people waiting online

00:33:41.579 --> 00:33:43.279
which, you know, at the theme parks, you can

00:33:43.279 --> 00:33:46.299
stand there 45 minutes. And so they had various

00:33:46.299 --> 00:33:49.220
entertainments to take your mind off the fact

00:33:49.220 --> 00:33:50.759
that you're waiting and you're in the Florida

00:33:50.759 --> 00:33:54.799
heat. And I did that. We shot an Aerosmith kind

00:33:54.799 --> 00:33:56.779
of a video with them where they were talking

00:33:56.779 --> 00:33:59.359
to the crowd and all of that. And then I think

00:33:59.359 --> 00:34:02.950
there was an award show. They were presenting

00:34:02.950 --> 00:34:05.069
something, probably the Grammys, and I can't

00:34:05.069 --> 00:34:06.930
remember what it was, but I wrote something for

00:34:06.930 --> 00:34:10.010
him to do on the Grammys. Okay, cool. And I think

00:34:10.010 --> 00:34:13.070
that's how I got the other gig, actually, the

00:34:13.070 --> 00:34:17.230
theme park gig. And, you know, we've been friendly.

00:34:17.349 --> 00:34:19.210
I mean, it's not like, you know, I don't call

00:34:19.210 --> 00:34:22.769
it up and go, you know, what's up? I mean, we

00:34:22.769 --> 00:34:24.809
run into each other, and I like him. I mean,

00:34:24.829 --> 00:34:27.250
I think he's terrific. And, you know, every time

00:34:27.250 --> 00:34:30.329
I see him, I just be like, dream on! Yeah, baby.

00:34:31.130 --> 00:34:33.849
I heard you wrote I Don't Want to Miss a Thing,

00:34:33.989 --> 00:34:39.809
the Aerosmith song. No, I missed that one. Well,

00:34:40.090 --> 00:34:42.889
maybe I dreamt this or something, but did you

00:34:42.889 --> 00:34:45.650
actually write a song with Bette Midler or for

00:34:45.650 --> 00:34:50.389
Bette Midler? I wrote it. I've written some lyrics,

00:34:50.429 --> 00:34:53.090
and with Bette, it's all been kind of parody

00:34:53.090 --> 00:34:55.530
lyrics. Mark Shaman and Bette and I wrote something

00:34:55.530 --> 00:34:58.750
for the last Johnny Carson show. We did a parody

00:34:58.750 --> 00:35:01.309
of You Make Me Love You called You Make Me Watch

00:35:01.309 --> 00:35:05.110
You. And it was about his 25 years of being on

00:35:05.110 --> 00:35:07.769
TV because he really, he kind of broke her on

00:35:07.769 --> 00:35:10.389
television. I mean, she got known nationally.

00:35:10.550 --> 00:35:13.590
I think she was on the show 34 times in the first

00:35:13.590 --> 00:35:16.610
couple of years of her career. So he really loved

00:35:16.610 --> 00:35:20.789
her. And a very misbegotten gesture took her

00:35:20.789 --> 00:35:25.380
to Las Vegas as his opening act. You know, a

00:35:25.380 --> 00:35:28.019
lot of people watched Carson on television, but

00:35:28.019 --> 00:35:29.739
the people who would pay money to see him in

00:35:29.739 --> 00:35:32.519
Vegas are not the people who would pay money

00:35:32.519 --> 00:35:36.699
to see Bette back in those days. They were kind

00:35:36.699 --> 00:35:39.559
of nonplussed. His opening act traditionally

00:35:39.559 --> 00:35:41.900
had been Phyllis McGuire of the McGuire sisters,

00:35:42.079 --> 00:35:46.360
who was a very, very elegant, jazzy Vegas act,

00:35:46.539 --> 00:35:51.219
you know, beat it down and all that. Much more

00:35:51.219 --> 00:35:53.719
the style of his audience. But he said, don't

00:35:53.719 --> 00:35:55.099
worry, they don't know anything. They don't know

00:35:55.099 --> 00:35:59.980
anything. They started when we got there and

00:35:59.980 --> 00:36:01.880
they were putting up the marquee and it said

00:36:01.880 --> 00:36:05.579
Johnny Carson and then we got Betty Milder. Betty

00:36:05.579 --> 00:36:08.780
Milder. Wow. She got out and she was climbing

00:36:08.780 --> 00:36:12.960
up the ladder saying, no, that's wrong. Very

00:36:12.960 --> 00:36:17.369
take charge. Yeah. I guess you have to be, especially

00:36:17.369 --> 00:36:19.969
when you have that sort of stature that she has,

00:36:20.030 --> 00:36:23.469
being in the business so long. Well, she hadn't

00:36:23.469 --> 00:36:28.150
been. I mean, in Vegas, before she was a movie

00:36:28.150 --> 00:36:31.349
star, Vegas was always dicey because the crowd

00:36:31.349 --> 00:36:34.610
was so middle class and so not tuned in to her.

00:36:34.909 --> 00:36:38.849
I mean, I remember we got into a cab in Vegas,

00:36:38.929 --> 00:36:41.050
and we were coming out of the hotel, and her

00:36:41.050 --> 00:36:43.719
name is on the marquee, and he's going. Have

00:36:43.719 --> 00:36:46.539
you seen her? Have you seen her act? And she

00:36:46.539 --> 00:36:52.420
says, no, no. What a mouth on her. God, she's

00:36:52.420 --> 00:36:57.320
filthy. She's kind of in the back seat. How funny.

00:36:57.519 --> 00:37:02.329
I mean, in Vegas, right? Yeah. I mean, there

00:37:02.329 --> 00:37:04.349
was a different kind of Vegas. There was Red

00:37:04.349 --> 00:37:07.349
Fox, who really was filthy, but he was farther

00:37:07.349 --> 00:37:10.210
down the strip, and you expected that. That was

00:37:10.210 --> 00:37:12.829
before he was Fred Sanford. I wrote for him after

00:37:12.829 --> 00:37:16.730
he was Fred Sanford because he would play big

00:37:16.730 --> 00:37:21.489
dates out of Vegas, and he couldn't come on and

00:37:21.489 --> 00:37:26.429
say, you got to wash your ass. So he would come

00:37:26.429 --> 00:37:29.210
out and he would do like 40 minutes which we

00:37:29.210 --> 00:37:32.409
wrote, not me alone. And then he would say, okay,

00:37:32.469 --> 00:37:34.369
that was Red Fox. Now I'm going to bring out

00:37:34.369 --> 00:37:36.730
Lola Falana and she's going to sing for you.

00:37:36.789 --> 00:37:39.210
And when I come back, it's going to be Blue Fox.

00:37:41.929 --> 00:37:45.469
And people who couldn't take him had gotten their

00:37:45.469 --> 00:37:51.409
money's worth. They'd seen Fred Sanford. And

00:37:51.409 --> 00:37:54.269
Lola, you know, had shaken it up for them. And

00:37:54.269 --> 00:37:56.349
now they could go and they could, you know, they'd

00:37:56.349 --> 00:37:58.670
gotten their money's worth. Because if they stayed,

00:37:59.070 --> 00:38:01.170
they would drop dead in their seat. They would

00:38:01.170 --> 00:38:04.650
get offended. Yeah. It was from, you know, party

00:38:04.650 --> 00:38:06.750
records. You're probably too young to know about

00:38:06.750 --> 00:38:10.630
party records. But that's what they were. People

00:38:10.630 --> 00:38:13.969
would, comedy albums were filthy. And you'd play

00:38:13.969 --> 00:38:15.989
them at parties. And people would scream and

00:38:15.989 --> 00:38:18.030
laugh. And, of course, it would always, like,

00:38:18.050 --> 00:38:22.530
loosen up the girl, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's

00:38:22.530 --> 00:38:25.829
key. You make a girl laugh, dude. Yeah, that's

00:38:25.829 --> 00:38:30.429
key. Laughing at dirty stuff. For sure. Act one

00:38:30.429 --> 00:38:35.550
is taken care of for you. Act one, yeah. And

00:38:35.550 --> 00:38:37.789
maybe act three for me. I can kind of go pretty

00:38:37.789 --> 00:38:40.510
quick once I get in that. You're jumping second,

00:38:40.730 --> 00:38:44.250
guys. Yeah. Hey, now. But, Bruce, so you did

00:38:44.250 --> 00:38:46.829
something cool in the beginning of 2000. You

00:38:46.829 --> 00:38:51.440
were on Broadway in Hair. Not hair. Hairspray.

00:38:51.639 --> 00:38:58.519
No, I did hairspray. I played the mother. I shaved

00:38:58.519 --> 00:39:01.639
my beard of many years because I could not talk

00:39:01.639 --> 00:39:06.960
them into a woman with a beard. They said, that's

00:39:06.960 --> 00:39:11.000
a little too John Waters. Yeah. They'll take

00:39:11.000 --> 00:39:13.679
it. It's a man playing a woman, but not a man

00:39:13.679 --> 00:39:16.900
playing a woman with a hormone problem. Got it.

00:39:16.940 --> 00:39:21.280
Yeah. So I shaved the beard. And dove into the

00:39:21.280 --> 00:39:25.199
role. And that was great. I did it for two years.

00:39:25.780 --> 00:39:28.559
On the road a year and then on Broadway for a

00:39:28.559 --> 00:39:34.559
year. So this is fall. I was being dramatic.

00:39:34.639 --> 00:39:39.380
Hair, spray. I was pausing for dramatic effect.

00:39:39.639 --> 00:39:43.079
That act one ends with a nude scene. So, you

00:39:43.079 --> 00:39:45.840
know, the actors could decide every night if

00:39:45.840 --> 00:39:47.539
they wanted to be naked or not. They were all

00:39:47.539 --> 00:39:51.820
under like a tent. And it had holes in it. And

00:39:51.820 --> 00:39:54.940
if you wanted, you'd pop up naked for the end

00:39:54.940 --> 00:40:00.599
of the song. It was revolutionary. I just saw

00:40:00.599 --> 00:40:06.000
an off -Broadway play of Hair, and they did do

00:40:06.000 --> 00:40:09.400
that. My brother was actually in it, and I got

00:40:09.400 --> 00:40:11.559
to see his genitals for the first time in about

00:40:11.559 --> 00:40:14.239
20 years. I haven't seen him since we were younger.

00:40:14.900 --> 00:40:19.960
Yeah, it was cool. It was cool. But anyway, so

00:40:19.960 --> 00:40:22.019
you were doing the full -on thing, Bruce? You

00:40:22.019 --> 00:40:25.000
were up there singing, dancing, acting? Well,

00:40:25.139 --> 00:40:28.519
you know, in Hairspray, you really only have

00:40:28.519 --> 00:40:31.579
to sing as well as Harvey Fires did. Because

00:40:31.579 --> 00:40:35.760
he created the role on stage and he's the template

00:40:35.760 --> 00:40:37.519
for it. It was written for him. So everything

00:40:37.519 --> 00:40:41.349
was written so it could be sung like this. You're

00:40:41.349 --> 00:40:44.369
timeless to me. So I thought, okay, I can do

00:40:44.369 --> 00:40:48.710
that. But I mean, I did do it in a different

00:40:48.710 --> 00:40:53.550
key. But it's not like a big singing role. Like

00:40:53.550 --> 00:40:56.429
he also did La Casa Fall, which is a big singing

00:40:56.429 --> 00:40:59.090
role. But I don't know that I'm that big a singer

00:40:59.090 --> 00:41:01.750
that I could have done that. But it certainly

00:41:01.750 --> 00:41:04.269
was big enough for Hairspray, yeah. And, you

00:41:04.269 --> 00:41:07.849
know, dancing, it's not like doing Chita Rivera.

00:41:08.150 --> 00:41:12.780
I mean, it's... It's it's the dancing. The dancing

00:41:12.780 --> 00:41:15.059
is commensurate with the with the size of the

00:41:15.059 --> 00:41:20.559
lady in the fat suit. Ah, was it nerve wracking,

00:41:20.579 --> 00:41:22.599
though? I mean, for somebody who's kind of performed

00:41:22.599 --> 00:41:26.119
a lot of behind the scenes stuff, a lot of like

00:41:26.119 --> 00:41:28.460
on camera work like this for in front of a live

00:41:28.460 --> 00:41:30.659
audience. Is this something that. No, it was

00:41:30.659 --> 00:41:33.199
something I'd been doing since I was a kid. I

00:41:33.199 --> 00:41:35.719
was, you know, acting, and then I just kind of

00:41:35.719 --> 00:41:38.900
stopped because I wasn't getting cast. So I always

00:41:38.900 --> 00:41:41.280
was kind of at home on the stage. And that show

00:41:41.280 --> 00:41:45.280
is, even if you don't feel like doing it, you

00:41:45.280 --> 00:41:48.280
show up, and the moment the curtains start, the

00:41:48.280 --> 00:41:50.199
rise of the audience is nuts because they're

00:41:50.199 --> 00:41:53.980
there to party. Yeah. And so you get drawn into

00:41:53.980 --> 00:41:56.159
it. Even, you know, eight times a week, it doesn't

00:41:56.159 --> 00:42:00.099
get old. Because you realize you're really entertaining

00:42:00.099 --> 00:42:05.019
people. It's joyous. And for all of the John

00:42:05.019 --> 00:42:07.460
Waterness of it, I mean, John says it's a very

00:42:07.460 --> 00:42:09.980
subversive show. And he's right, because there

00:42:09.980 --> 00:42:12.260
is an interracial relationship at the center

00:42:12.260 --> 00:42:17.519
of it. And the fat girl gets the hot guy. And

00:42:17.519 --> 00:42:21.199
the parents are played by two guys, one of whom

00:42:21.199 --> 00:42:24.159
is playing a woman. Not a drag queen, but a woman.

00:42:25.319 --> 00:42:28.119
So, John said it's a very subversive, and Jack

00:42:28.119 --> 00:42:30.360
O 'Brien, the director, said it's a very subversive

00:42:30.360 --> 00:42:32.840
show. The audience leaves with a whole different

00:42:32.840 --> 00:42:39.019
perspective on the world. Yeah. Yeah. One of

00:42:39.019 --> 00:42:41.880
those things. For sure. I never even thought

00:42:41.880 --> 00:42:46.400
about it like that. Yeah, it is. That's why they've

00:42:46.400 --> 00:42:49.610
never had a woman playing Edna. It was done originally

00:42:49.610 --> 00:42:52.809
in the film by Divine. And while there have been

00:42:52.809 --> 00:42:55.309
many women who could do it, the idea that John

00:42:55.309 --> 00:42:58.389
Waters wanted to protect was that the audience

00:42:58.389 --> 00:43:02.789
accepts this couple. And, you know, as we see

00:43:02.789 --> 00:43:08.349
now, this move towards casting everybody authentically,

00:43:08.489 --> 00:43:12.030
which means nobody has a chance to pretend or

00:43:12.030 --> 00:43:15.289
to create art, which is why to begin with, it's

00:43:15.289 --> 00:43:17.639
fucking ridiculous, you know? Yeah. You have

00:43:17.639 --> 00:43:20.280
to find a guy with one leg to play any part with

00:43:20.280 --> 00:43:22.900
one leg or, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah.

00:43:23.219 --> 00:43:26.760
I mean, you almost don't need actors. Then you

00:43:26.760 --> 00:43:29.780
need real life people. You know, you don't need

00:43:29.780 --> 00:43:32.340
somebody who could act. It comes from a place

00:43:32.340 --> 00:43:34.679
of actors who felt marginalized because of who

00:43:34.679 --> 00:43:37.019
they were. I understand that. But at the same

00:43:37.019 --> 00:43:39.320
time, it's anti -art. It's the death of art.

00:43:39.599 --> 00:43:44.269
Right. Right. Like David Carradine playing, I

00:43:44.269 --> 00:43:46.730
believe he played like a Japanese dude in Kung

00:43:46.730 --> 00:43:49.670
Fu or something. Yeah, but somebody egregious.

00:43:49.829 --> 00:43:51.389
Right. That's what I'm saying. It doesn't have

00:43:51.389 --> 00:43:53.489
to be egregious like that, but you don't have

00:43:53.489 --> 00:43:57.750
to be autistic to play an autistic role or something,

00:43:57.809 --> 00:44:01.449
you know? Dustin Hoffman. Great man. Did a good

00:44:01.449 --> 00:44:04.849
job. Dude, did a great job, man. I feel like

00:44:04.849 --> 00:44:06.849
I could have done a pretty decent job at that.

00:44:08.809 --> 00:44:12.449
I think I'm looking at you thinking you'd be

00:44:12.449 --> 00:44:17.429
very special. Even that special. Yes. Love me.

00:44:17.809 --> 00:44:20.789
You could jump into that role. I'm telling you.

00:44:21.230 --> 00:44:27.949
I'm going to. We made a joke last night for the

00:44:27.949 --> 00:44:31.030
audience. I said, fuck the Super Bowl. Go to

00:44:31.030 --> 00:44:34.409
Chad and mine's OnlyFans and watch the Super

00:44:34.409 --> 00:44:39.900
Bowl. We're doing very gay acts on there. And,

00:44:40.059 --> 00:44:42.460
yes, we got a lot of subscriptions last night

00:44:42.460 --> 00:44:45.760
to our live. Our only fans blew up. What's that?

00:44:46.420 --> 00:44:49.940
Backfield in motion. Exactly, exactly. I was

00:44:49.940 --> 00:44:52.000
the quarterback, if you know what I'm saying.

00:44:52.800 --> 00:44:56.239
Anyway. You were the tight end when you started.

00:44:56.860 --> 00:45:00.440
That's right. Isn't that special? You became

00:45:00.440 --> 00:45:03.030
the wide receiver sooner or later. You know,

00:45:03.090 --> 00:45:06.449
you got to go. Sounds like a George Carlin routine.

00:45:06.550 --> 00:45:09.710
Wait a minute. You got to give a little to take

00:45:09.710 --> 00:45:13.969
some or something like that. Yeah. We tried the

00:45:13.969 --> 00:45:17.150
old, I tried to get him to 68 me where he blew

00:45:17.150 --> 00:45:20.309
me and I owed him one, but he wouldn't do it.

00:45:21.010 --> 00:45:23.650
69 all the way. Anywho, yeah, we're going off

00:45:23.650 --> 00:45:28.920
the rails here. Different directions here. So

00:45:28.920 --> 00:45:31.559
here's where I want to bring it back to. Is L

00:45:31.559 --> 00:45:34.539
.A. still as cool as it was back when you first

00:45:34.539 --> 00:45:39.099
got out there? Have you seen changes? Talk to

00:45:39.099 --> 00:45:42.239
me about the digs where we're at. It began changing.

00:45:42.800 --> 00:45:45.800
I've been here since 75. It began changing in

00:45:45.800 --> 00:45:49.840
84 with the Olympics because people from all

00:45:49.840 --> 00:45:51.920
over the world came and realized they liked it.

00:45:52.219 --> 00:45:55.519
And once their governments fell, they wanted

00:45:55.519 --> 00:45:59.199
to get out. And so suddenly there was a ton of...

00:45:59.199 --> 00:46:02.019
So many Iranians came after the fall of the Shah

00:46:02.019 --> 00:46:05.099
that there's a part of town which is now called

00:46:05.099 --> 00:46:11.980
Tarangulas. Tarangulas. Tarangulas. So that was

00:46:11.980 --> 00:46:15.000
the beginning. And there was a boom as a result.

00:46:15.119 --> 00:46:18.239
And, of course, the usual things happened. Traffic

00:46:18.239 --> 00:46:22.469
expanded and... and there were a lot more people

00:46:22.469 --> 00:46:24.650
than the homeless crisis that happened so there

00:46:24.650 --> 00:46:26.090
were a lot of people on the street because the

00:46:26.090 --> 00:46:29.909
weather's nice and because it's generally a town

00:46:29.909 --> 00:46:33.590
where uh filled with creative people who feel

00:46:33.590 --> 00:46:36.710
like you know this i'm lucky this could happen

00:46:36.710 --> 00:46:39.789
to me any you know of that and and then it became

00:46:39.789 --> 00:46:42.690
a global finance center and so it with all the

00:46:42.690 --> 00:46:45.159
development Now, of course, the traffic is insane.

00:46:45.539 --> 00:46:49.320
Yeah. A lot of the quality of life is different.

00:46:49.539 --> 00:46:52.760
But now, of course, with the fires, this was

00:46:52.760 --> 00:46:58.219
unprecedented. I was evacuated overnight, and

00:46:58.219 --> 00:47:01.260
I came back singing Anatevka at the top of my

00:47:01.260 --> 00:47:04.940
lungs. Now I have a go -to bag in case the Cossacks

00:47:04.940 --> 00:47:10.400
invade. Look at you. But, I mean, so that's...

00:47:11.000 --> 00:47:13.880
And now there's a pall over the whole place as

00:47:13.880 --> 00:47:16.159
people are figuring out what to do. And now it's

00:47:16.159 --> 00:47:18.920
going to rain this week. So no one knows if things

00:47:18.920 --> 00:47:20.539
will be sliding into other things. Yeah, it's

00:47:20.539 --> 00:47:22.800
supposed to be some major rain coming. I mean,

00:47:23.260 --> 00:47:25.980
it became, and people, when I first came out

00:47:25.980 --> 00:47:28.960
here, they said, oh, it used to be a wonderful,

00:47:29.099 --> 00:47:30.880
it used to have a wonderful small town feel.

00:47:30.960 --> 00:47:34.159
And you can still see pockets of that around.

00:47:34.840 --> 00:47:38.440
And, uh, but that has kind of, you know, gone

00:47:38.440 --> 00:47:41.340
away as it's become an international megalopolis.

00:47:42.820 --> 00:47:46.179
How about the, um, the, the people in general,

00:47:46.199 --> 00:47:50.340
has it become like a more, uh, like a fake, like

00:47:50.340 --> 00:47:52.460
a fake town? Like are people, tourists coming

00:47:52.460 --> 00:47:55.239
there and kind of using people for connections?

00:47:55.639 --> 00:47:58.179
Like, was it more of like a community in 70s?

00:47:58.320 --> 00:48:02.000
It was always fake. I mean, people who came to

00:48:02.000 --> 00:48:06.369
make, to make things up. to make fake Rome and

00:48:06.369 --> 00:48:09.809
fake Paris and all that. So it's always been

00:48:09.809 --> 00:48:15.150
that. And show business has its own bizarre rules

00:48:15.150 --> 00:48:18.409
about what's real and what isn't real. So there's

00:48:18.409 --> 00:48:23.570
always been that. But at the same time, there's

00:48:23.570 --> 00:48:26.590
everything here. You just have to find it. I

00:48:26.590 --> 00:48:28.630
mean, it does have a rich intellectual life.

00:48:28.750 --> 00:48:31.590
You just have to ferret it out. It's not something

00:48:31.590 --> 00:48:34.409
that... It slaps you on the street the way it

00:48:34.409 --> 00:48:36.550
does in New York. Personally, you're driving

00:48:36.550 --> 00:48:40.550
almost everywhere. They have a subway system

00:48:40.550 --> 00:48:43.210
which is bizarre in itself and is now kind of

00:48:43.210 --> 00:48:47.550
like a homeless shelter on wheels. It's awful,

00:48:47.710 --> 00:48:54.909
but that's the truth. It always was. People would

00:48:54.909 --> 00:48:57.289
come here to be part of the American dream. They'd

00:48:57.289 --> 00:49:00.750
come here to be rich and famous. And those are

00:49:00.750 --> 00:49:04.690
shallow goals. They didn't come here to cure

00:49:04.690 --> 00:49:08.010
cancer. They didn't come here to make a political

00:49:08.010 --> 00:49:12.309
statement like San Francisco or New York, which

00:49:12.309 --> 00:49:15.050
is a city of eight million finalists. They're

00:49:15.050 --> 00:49:18.170
all there to be A number one at the top of the

00:49:18.170 --> 00:49:22.550
heap. Yeah. Kind of a company town the way Detroit

00:49:22.550 --> 00:49:25.489
and Washington are company towns. Everybody,

00:49:25.489 --> 00:49:28.170
or at least on the west side of L .A., is in

00:49:28.170 --> 00:49:33.039
the same. sort of business. So, you know, but

00:49:33.039 --> 00:49:36.440
I find it invigorating. A lot of people just

00:49:36.440 --> 00:49:39.360
say, oh, I can't take it. Then I say, go. More

00:49:39.360 --> 00:49:43.739
parking. Yeah, right. Less traffic. So born on

00:49:43.739 --> 00:49:46.019
the East Coast, live on the West Coast. Is that

00:49:46.019 --> 00:49:49.800
safe to say that you identify now as a West Coastian

00:49:49.800 --> 00:49:54.079
or are you still East Coast at heart? I guess.

00:49:54.199 --> 00:49:57.480
I think it was Barry Goldwater. No, probably

00:49:57.480 --> 00:50:02.340
later. Some Republican who said God picked up

00:50:02.340 --> 00:50:04.760
the United States in Maine and Florida and shook

00:50:04.760 --> 00:50:08.199
everything that wasn't loose, fell into California.

00:50:09.119 --> 00:50:13.679
Okay. There you go. Which is one way of looking

00:50:13.679 --> 00:50:17.519
at it, I think. Sure. Florida's another story.

00:50:18.500 --> 00:50:21.820
Yeah, that's where you go to retire. Well, that's

00:50:21.820 --> 00:50:27.250
my other. Sarah Silverman went down to the first

00:50:27.250 --> 00:50:31.809
in 16 to campaign against Trump and for Hillary.

00:50:32.090 --> 00:50:36.489
And she came back and she said, she said, all

00:50:36.489 --> 00:50:39.530
these people said, I'll vote for him if you'll

00:50:39.530 --> 00:50:44.730
take your parents back. Say that to who? Sarah

00:50:44.730 --> 00:50:48.079
Silverman. Anybody. I mean, anybody who came

00:50:48.079 --> 00:50:50.539
down from Hollywood. If you'll take your parents

00:50:50.539 --> 00:50:55.920
back. Oh, I got it. I got it. That's fine. Yeah,

00:50:56.840 --> 00:51:00.019
well, no, I just, no, trust me. I have ADHD,

00:51:00.059 --> 00:51:02.199
so sometimes, you know, a little glimpse will

00:51:02.199 --> 00:51:04.099
come in here once the full thing, and then I

00:51:04.099 --> 00:51:09.019
got it. Yes, sir. I get it. Well, you know we

00:51:09.019 --> 00:51:10.780
do this year, Bruce, so the way we do it is we

00:51:10.780 --> 00:51:13.460
always leave our audience wanting more from our

00:51:13.460 --> 00:51:14.559
guests because we're going to have you on in

00:51:14.559 --> 00:51:16.099
the future because I've got a ton more to ask

00:51:16.099 --> 00:51:18.260
you, but let's let the audience know when the

00:51:18.260 --> 00:51:20.420
book is coming out, where they can get it now.

00:51:20.460 --> 00:51:22.059
I know you have pre -orders and stuff and all

00:51:22.059 --> 00:51:24.519
your social media and all that good jazz. The

00:51:24.519 --> 00:51:28.079
book is on pre -order now at Amazon, and it will

00:51:28.079 --> 00:51:30.980
drop March 4th in bookstores near you, for those

00:51:30.980 --> 00:51:33.679
of you who have bookstores near you. It's called

00:51:33.679 --> 00:51:37.199
It Seemed Like a Bad Idea at the Time. Nice.

00:51:37.710 --> 00:51:41.070
But it's a good idea to buy it. It's funny. You'll

00:51:41.070 --> 00:51:43.130
have a good time laughing. And it will actually

00:51:43.130 --> 00:51:46.730
explain how things happen. Because the basic

00:51:46.730 --> 00:51:49.449
idea of how things happen hasn't changed very

00:51:49.449 --> 00:51:54.510
much. Things that should have been nipped in

00:51:54.510 --> 00:51:59.510
the bud on day one. I'm writing about 50 years

00:51:59.510 --> 00:52:03.349
later. I can't believe it. Just like bell bottoms

00:52:03.349 --> 00:52:06.650
come back. That's coming back. That used to say.

00:52:08.460 --> 00:52:10.519
She had a pair of bell bottoms that she loved.

00:52:10.579 --> 00:52:12.739
She still has them. They're standing by themselves

00:52:12.739 --> 00:52:17.400
in the corner. Nice. Bruce, are you famously

00:52:17.400 --> 00:52:22.860
sober now? No. No, I was never famously alcoholic.

00:52:23.000 --> 00:52:27.000
I embroidered my drug history because it was

00:52:27.000 --> 00:52:31.400
fun. But it came, especially talking about Star

00:52:31.400 --> 00:52:34.619
Wars on many podcasts, let's say Carrie Fisher

00:52:34.619 --> 00:52:36.659
and I were snorting the sweet and low in the

00:52:36.659 --> 00:52:40.400
cafeteria. Yeah, baby. Except it wasn't sweet

00:52:40.400 --> 00:52:44.559
and low. But I was never doing anything drastic.

00:52:44.659 --> 00:52:47.079
I was never addicted. I was never, I mean, I

00:52:47.079 --> 00:52:49.820
did all the things you do. If you remember the

00:52:49.820 --> 00:52:52.400
70s, you weren't there. Yeah. I did everything

00:52:52.400 --> 00:52:56.139
you were supposed to do once. And I avoided a

00:52:56.139 --> 00:53:00.250
few things. So safe to say. Now I read things

00:53:00.250 --> 00:53:03.530
like Valanche, who admits to copious drug use.

00:53:04.230 --> 00:53:08.210
Oh, God. So we just broke it on this show. Bruce

00:53:08.210 --> 00:53:10.630
Valanche and Princess Leia were doing blow and

00:53:10.630 --> 00:53:15.610
had sex numerous times backstage. You heard it

00:53:15.610 --> 00:53:20.510
here, folks, on The Gracious Two. It could be.

00:53:20.670 --> 00:53:24.210
I was not one of her gay boyfriends. Well, you

00:53:24.210 --> 00:53:29.150
were bi at the time. Yes, I was. Again, Carrie

00:53:29.150 --> 00:53:33.150
had bigger fish to fry. Yeah, man. Is she still

00:53:33.150 --> 00:53:35.590
alive? Because if so, I'll let her know. She

00:53:35.590 --> 00:53:38.969
passed. I forget how many. She was 60 a few years

00:53:38.969 --> 00:53:42.989
ago. She had a lot of medical complications.

00:53:43.530 --> 00:53:46.130
She had a heart attack. Did you say she died

00:53:46.130 --> 00:53:50.900
at 60? Yeah. Wow, that's so early, man. Yeah.

00:53:51.460 --> 00:53:53.940
That's horrible. John, you didn't know she passed?

00:53:54.320 --> 00:53:58.599
I think I might have because I was, yeah, I think

00:53:58.599 --> 00:54:00.219
I might have. Some people would not know because

00:54:00.219 --> 00:54:03.139
she was in a few Star Wars movies after she died.

00:54:03.579 --> 00:54:05.000
Right, I know. That's what I was going to say.

00:54:05.699 --> 00:54:11.840
CGI, deep fake and stuff. That's amazing. Commander,

00:54:13.019 --> 00:54:17.440
General Leia, Orgasm or whatever. Yeah. That

00:54:17.440 --> 00:54:19.840
seems to be a prelude to what's coming with just

00:54:19.840 --> 00:54:22.179
taking an actor's face and being able to put

00:54:22.179 --> 00:54:25.300
him in any movie. It's going to be scary. Good

00:54:25.300 --> 00:54:27.420
point, Bruce. Are you going to sell your likeness

00:54:27.420 --> 00:54:31.219
before Travis Kelsey mom sells hers? This way

00:54:31.219 --> 00:54:33.539
there's no competing roles. I'll meet her at

00:54:33.539 --> 00:54:38.019
the finishing line, I guess. Bruce, thanks again

00:54:38.019 --> 00:54:40.500
for coming on, man. You were, you were, you were

00:54:40.500 --> 00:54:43.460
really fun. Monday show. So excited. Yeah. I

00:54:43.460 --> 00:54:45.920
appreciate it. Thank you so much. All right.

00:54:45.960 --> 00:54:47.880
And it's Bruce Valanche on Facebook. And what

00:54:47.880 --> 00:54:51.179
are you on Instagram, Bruce? Um, uh, I, well,

00:54:51.320 --> 00:54:53.280
I'm the real Bruce Valanche, but I never post.

00:54:53.500 --> 00:54:56.139
So, you know, if you want to communicate that

00:54:56.139 --> 00:55:00.360
we got bruce .com. Boom. I run by a fan of mine,

00:55:00.400 --> 00:55:02.360
and I look every morning to see what I'm up to

00:55:02.360 --> 00:55:04.739
because he knows more than I do. Cool. Rock on.

00:55:04.840 --> 00:55:07.460
We'll be going there. Folks, that is Bruce Valanche.

00:55:07.519 --> 00:55:08.940
We want to, again, thank him for coming on. He

00:55:08.940 --> 00:55:11.239
was an awesome guest. Chad, did you have some

00:55:11.239 --> 00:55:14.599
fun there? I did, yeah. It was great. I really

00:55:14.599 --> 00:55:16.659
wanted to ask that Steven Tyler question because

00:55:16.659 --> 00:55:18.880
I saw all these notable comedians he wrote jokes

00:55:18.880 --> 00:55:21.900
for. I'm like, Steven Tyler? What's this? It's

00:55:21.900 --> 00:55:25.340
interesting. I didn't even see that. So when

00:55:25.340 --> 00:55:26.519
you brought up, I was like, oh, shit, I didn't

00:55:26.519 --> 00:55:28.179
know you wrote for Steven Tyler. That's pretty

00:55:28.179 --> 00:55:32.659
cool. I was also asked to write for Barbra Streisand.

00:55:33.099 --> 00:55:36.460
She offered him, it's a quote, ridiculously low

00:55:36.460 --> 00:55:39.760
wage, so he didn't do it. Sounds about right.

00:55:39.880 --> 00:55:42.380
I've heard some stories about her. Let's bring

00:55:42.380 --> 00:55:44.079
on Bobby real quick. We're not going to do a

00:55:44.079 --> 00:55:45.480
Bobby's World or anything because this was just

00:55:45.480 --> 00:55:48.840
a bonus episode for Mr. Valanche to come on and

00:55:48.840 --> 00:55:50.619
say hello to the audience. I hope the audience

00:55:50.619 --> 00:55:53.179
had fun out there. I didn't even see if we got

00:55:53.179 --> 00:55:56.239
any, uh, a couple of people tuning in and saying,

00:55:56.280 --> 00:56:01.940
Hey, like Bill, today is a Tuesday. Yeah. I made

00:56:01.940 --> 00:56:03.900
a video and put it on Instagram. So we're doing

00:56:03.900 --> 00:56:06.119
a special episode today, but Hey, I guess some

00:56:06.119 --> 00:56:07.739
people didn't see it. It's all right. Yeah. And

00:56:07.739 --> 00:56:10.239
not only that, we did it like on a month, like

00:56:10.239 --> 00:56:12.099
we sent it out early. We probably should have

00:56:12.099 --> 00:56:14.880
let them know earlier. That's the beauty of the

00:56:14.880 --> 00:56:17.039
live show. It's you get all the live stuff out

00:56:17.039 --> 00:56:18.500
and they could replay it whenever the fuck they

00:56:18.500 --> 00:56:20.050
want. We're going to keep people on their toes.

00:56:20.269 --> 00:56:21.710
I told him, I said, moving forward, we're going

00:56:21.710 --> 00:56:26.170
to be doing some different shows here. Yes, sir.

00:56:26.650 --> 00:56:30.010
Get ready. We got some fun guests coming up.

00:56:30.050 --> 00:56:32.590
Tomorrow is Teddy Gibbons, Theodore Gibbons,

00:56:32.690 --> 00:56:36.929
musician. He was doing some stuff, working on

00:56:36.929 --> 00:56:39.369
a show, Person of Interest. They put him in a

00:56:39.369 --> 00:56:41.929
role, but I believe it was like Grip and stuff

00:56:41.929 --> 00:56:43.610
like that on there, but he was working on the

00:56:43.610 --> 00:56:46.110
set somehow. Worked on a couple different shows,

00:56:46.230 --> 00:56:48.619
but cool. Dude, known him for a long time. Great

00:56:48.619 --> 00:56:51.780
sense of humor. Nice. Does like sound therapy,

00:56:51.980 --> 00:56:54.440
like healing sound therapy and stuff like that.

00:56:54.960 --> 00:56:57.579
Dude, I just noticed you got the Gracious 2 shirt

00:56:57.579 --> 00:56:59.460
on there, buddy. I got to get one of these. Yes.

00:57:00.079 --> 00:57:04.099
Oh, all right. I figure Bruce Valanche, wear

00:57:04.099 --> 00:57:07.599
this bad boy for him. There you go. But yeah,

00:57:08.019 --> 00:57:11.159
that was fun, man. He's cool. There's so many.

00:57:11.519 --> 00:57:13.539
That was like, just like the introduction to

00:57:13.539 --> 00:57:16.380
him. But there's so many cool stories that guy

00:57:16.380 --> 00:57:18.880
has that we got to really get into and find out

00:57:18.880 --> 00:57:21.659
about, you know, in Hollywood in 75, you know,

00:57:21.679 --> 00:57:24.260
he's seen some shit. Yeah. Well, he said, if

00:57:24.260 --> 00:57:25.559
you remember the seventies, you weren't doing

00:57:25.559 --> 00:57:28.760
it right. So he doesn't remember, but that exhibit

00:57:28.760 --> 00:57:31.380
a, I mean, he was blowing lines with Carrie Fisher.

00:57:31.440 --> 00:57:33.820
How cool is that? You know, like pretty dope.

00:57:35.460 --> 00:57:37.519
Yeah, so we got a lot more to talk to Bruce about.

00:57:37.619 --> 00:57:39.920
He's fun, and he's a character. And go get that

00:57:39.920 --> 00:57:42.820
book. There's a lot of inside information in

00:57:42.820 --> 00:57:44.980
there, so that'll be fun for you guys to read

00:57:44.980 --> 00:57:47.980
and check that out. Bobby, you want to say anything

00:57:47.980 --> 00:57:51.699
before we shut you off? No, I just want to thank

00:57:51.699 --> 00:57:55.159
the audience for showing up and actually, you

00:57:55.159 --> 00:57:57.860
know. They're still in here. Some people are

00:57:57.860 --> 00:58:01.099
still watching. Yes. Words of wisdom from Bobby

00:58:01.099 --> 00:58:05.780
right there, folks. The one, the only Bobby.

00:58:06.019 --> 00:58:11.280
Let me go black here first. Oh, wait. Let me

00:58:11.280 --> 00:58:14.099
go here first. Hello. Chad, anything for the

00:58:14.099 --> 00:58:16.800
audience before we go? Well, as always, thank

00:58:16.800 --> 00:58:19.320
you for tuning in. We'll see you tomorrow at

00:58:19.320 --> 00:58:24.019
regular time. Yep. And don't forget to check

00:58:24.019 --> 00:58:25.980
out our OnlyFans. Exactly.